


The One Where Bucky Pines So Hard, He was Declared a National Forest

by youngavengerfeels



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awkward Flirting, Fluff, M/M, Oblivious Steve Rogers, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-29
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-09-20 15:14:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9497900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youngavengerfeels/pseuds/youngavengerfeels
Summary: Bucky awkwardly tries to land his crush who happens to be his best friend. Steve is Steve and is oblivious to the whole thing.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Because sometimes a cliche has been written to death but its your fav so gotta add your own version.

Helping people move and driving them to the airport were two of the sucky parts of being someone’s friend. Bucky had helped all of his friends move at some point, he normally just grumbled about them better providing coffee and showed up when he was told. Now that he was helping Steve move into his apartment he was probably the most excited person there. If the grumpy glares were anything to go by, his friends were probably plotting his death. He didn't think he would be blamed for his good attitude though, because his best friend was finally going to be living with him.

Even though he and Steve has been since the moment they laid eyes on each other, they had never lived together. At the start of college Bucky had decided to live at home for the first year to save money, Steve had opted to live in the dorm at the mercy of the random roommate system. 

The first roommate turned out to be that perfect roommate who ruined all others after that. When Steve had first started raving about how awesome his roommate Sam was, Bucky had been skeptical. But after witnessing Sam managing to pull Steve out of a fight before the little asshole got the shit beat out of him, Bucky had to admit he was impressed. Most of the time even he couldn't talk sense into Steve but here came Sam. He had been jealous at first until he realized how nice it was to not have to worry about Steve dying in an alley somewhere when he wasn't looking. It was so nice to have someone to share commiserating looks with whenever Steve started causing trouble.

Bucky moved into an apartment with Natasha and Clint during Sophomore year. There really wasn't room for a fourth roommate but Bucky had offered space to Steve anyway, which the blond refused. Bucky had been offended at the time but Steve had assured it wasn't the fact that Bucky was a neat freak but that Steve was worried he would turn into a shut in of he didn't even have to leave the apartment to hang out with Bucky. Bucky had wanted to ask why that would be problem but realized how weird that would sound. He would be perfectly happy to become a shut in with  Steve. It probably had something to do with the massive crush he had on Steve. He wasn’t going to tell Steve about any of that though, so Steve decided to try his luck again with a random roommate.

The next roommate wasn't necessarily bad, but not good either. Phil was interesting to say the least. He had seemed like any other awkward nerdy guy, Bucky had honestly ignored his entire existence whenever he was in Steve's room. Steve though, ever the gentleman, was nice to the guy. Apparently basic was Phil's kink because that's all it took for him to become obsessed with Steve. Natasha has pointed out it was a little unfair of Bucky to make fun of Phil for liking Steve because at least Phol had the balls to ask Steve out. That had shut Bucky up. He couldn't help but dislike the guy. Worshiping the ground Steve walked on was Bucky’s thing, on Phil it was just pathetic.

The last roommate was a where it went downhill. At first Brock had seemed like a decent enough guy. He kept his half of the room clean and paid his fair share for cleaning supplies. He met the minimum requirements to make a good roommate. Bucky had always thought there was something off about the guy though. Steve had waved off his misgivings though, saying Bucky was just being paranoid. But the little things about Brock started to add up, a little off comment here and little aggression there. Then Brock brought home a girl clearly too drunk to make any kind of consent. It was lucky that Bucky had been there at all otherwise he was sure Brock would have put Steve in the hospital when he intervened. Buckh was about ready to drag Steve out of that apartment if Steve hadn't shown up himself, a nervous look on his face asking if it would be alright to stay the night. Bucky had blurted out that Steve could stay forever, which made the blond smile and laugh. 

Bucky had been a little worried about running into Runlow while they moved Steve out, but apparently even he had the sense to not be around so many people who wanted to punch him in the face. That meant Brock had more of a self preservation instinct than Steve, which Bucky wasn't bitter about it  at all. Although he couldn’t help but feel a little grateful to Brock for being the catalyst for Steve moving in with him. 

The idea of living with his best friend was great. When they were little kids, Steve and him would talk about how they were going to move in together so they could always hang out with each other. The idea of living with his crush who he was never going to tell about said crush was terrifying. The fact that those were the same people made him want to rip his hair out. There was no way he was going to be able to keep his crush under wraps if Steve was living with him. Steve was bound to notice him crying as he watched The Notebook and eating obnoxious amount of ice cream at 3am. Steve was observant like that. That was future Bucky’s problem though, present Bucky just had to worry about not breaking any of Steve’s  things while he hauled them into his apartment. 

“I was personally shocked to find out that you two weren't already living together. Next you’ll be saying you two aren’t actually an old married couple,” Tony said as he very obviously continued to not actually help. He claimed to be upper management so he couldn't be expected to actually do any heavy lifting himself. Bucky was regretting letting Steve call him. 

“I was pretty much living at Bucky’s place anyway so this is just an excuse to make it official I guess,” Steve said with a shrug totally ignoring the last comment. It was true even when Steve was rooming with people he liked he had spent most of his time at Bucky’s apartment. Steve had practically moved into Bucky’s spare bedroom. It had gotten to the point where Bucky made his ther guests sleep on the couch just in case Steve needed a place to crash. 

“So how long do you think it will be before they’re at each other’s throats over cleanliness or something stupid?’ Sam asked grinning. Having been Steve’s roommate before he knew how picky Steve could be, but Bucky had been Steve’s best friend their whole lives. He had been training for this for years. 

“I don’t think it’s fighting we have to worry about. I’m betting we never see them again because they forget the outside world exists,” Clint added. Bucky rolled his eyes and continued hauling boxes. His friends were obnoxious but he loved them anyway. 

It took most of the morning and afternoon but it was so satisfying to be leaving Steve’s old apartment for the last time. If he never saw Brock again, it would be too soon. 

Per typical payment for helping a friend move, Steve ordered an indecent amount of pizzas and Bucky pulled out beer from the fridge. Thor had claimed a pizza for himself because it had to take an insane amount of calories to maintain a body that size. Clint had claimed a pizza and half for himself because he was obnoxious, yet somehow managed to end up with a woman like Natasha. Tony said Clint had to have a magic dick, there was no other explanation for it. Bucky personally thought it was because Clint made Natasha laugh. She always had a soft smile around him when she wasn’t looking exasperated by the stupid shit he pulled. 

Bucky loved his friends but sometimes they could be a little much. Especially when they were drinking. He was lowkey worried about getting a nasty letter from his neighbor tomorrow because of how loud they were. Thor’s voice only came in booming and Steve was clumsy drunk.Bucky escaped into his bedroom use the restroom. On his way back out he found Natasha going through his closet. He would be annoyed with her going through his things but after being her friend for years he had become desensitized to these kinds of invasions of privacy. 

“So how long do you think it'll take you to crack?” Natasha asked closing his closet door.

“I have no idea what you're talking about,” Bucky said playing dumb because it was a talent he had perfected. Natasha gave him a stern look. 

“I'm just talking about the massive boner you have for Steve How long of living with him do you think it will take before you crack and actually do something about it?” She elaborated. 

“God, do you have to lay it all out there. I keep all of my emotions baggage in a box for a reason,” Bucky said because there was no use denying something once Natasha knew. 

“You're 22, you need to at least pretend you are getting your life together,” Natasha pressed.

“Now you're just being unfair! I’m a college student. This is my last chance to be a hot mess before it just becomes sad,” Bucky protested, because it really was unfair for Natasha to be calling him out like this. She might have her life together, having graduated a year early and already working her dream job but Bucky thought it was unfair to hold the rest of them to those standards. He was at the point in his life where he was questioning every decision he had ever made and debating if dropping out and living as a hermit was a viable option. He wouldn't change a thing. Well that's not true, he would upgrade Steve from best friend to boyfriend. 

“So your plan is to ignore the fact you’re in love with your best friend and just wallow in self pity.”

“Yeah, that about sums it up,” Bucky said nonchalantly because yeah that actually was his plan. It was going to be a lot harder to wallow in self pity subtly now that Steve was living with him, but he would manage somehow. 

While all of their friends joked about him and Steve being an old married couple, Natasha was the only one who actually knew Bucky’s feelings for Steve. Turns out if you go along with the joke for long enough people won’t even question it. She had talk him through more than one pseudo-therapy session about Bucky’s lack of self confidence when it came to Steve. None of her advice was helpful though. It was all about “talking” to Steve about, which was not gonna happen.

Talking had always been hard for Bucky. He was much better at expressing himself through actions. Even if the words got jumbled in his brain, Bucky knew how he felt and knew what to do. Bucky just needed a way to show Steve that he was boyfriend material. He had no idea of how to actually going about that though. He was justing to have to figure it out as he went. 

“You’re thinking of doing something stupid aren’t you?” Natasha asked eyes flicking across Bucky’s face. He tried to school his face into a neutral expression. 

“I wouldn’t say it's something stupid,” Bucky started to say.

“That means you are,” Natasha said narrowing her eyes. 

Bucky elected to rejoin the group outside rather than stay and let Natasha judge him. Their friends stayed late into the night as a kind of welcome party for for Steve even though he just just moving into Bucky’s apartment. Bucky would have liked to sleep until noon to recover but was woken up at the ungodly hour of 7am by the sound of something falling and muffled curses. 

Groaning Bucky rolled out of bed and headed into Steve’s room. Steve had always been the early riser out of the two of them much to Bucky’s annoyance. He had been rudely awkward the morning after a sleepover by a bored Steve too many times growing up. Having Steve putter around the apartment early in the morning was something he was going to have to get used to. 

Steve was unpacking because apparently he wasn’t worried about annoying the neighbors. The blond was so absorbed in what he was doing he didn’t notice Bucky in the doorway so Bucky took the opportunity to just watch Steve. He couldn’t help but smile at how expressive Steve’s face was. As he pulled objects out of boxes Bucky could tell exactly what Steve was thinking about each one. 

He watched until Steve started to move the furniture around. Bucky was the first to defend Steve in any kind of situation but he had to admit that Steve physically wasn’t very strong. It was kind of just sad watching Steve struggle to move his dresser. 

That’s when Bucky got an idea. Girls in high school has loved watching him in weightlifting class. Bucky had never understood why; he was sweaty and gross but Steve had rolled his eyes and muttered something about muscle tone. Bucky would have helped Steve move his furniture either way but maybe he could use it to his advantage. Not only would it show Steve how helpful he could be, it would also show off how strong he was; double whammy. 

“Don't worry Steve I got it,” Bucky said moving to push against the dresser.

“Be careful Bucky, it's heavy,” Steve said, letting Bucky take his spot. It was a testament to how tired Steve must be to let Bucky actually help him. 

“I know, that's why I've got it,” Bucky said with a smile.

“Wow thanks for reminding me how weak I am, jerk” Steve said making the smile slip off of Bucky’s face. He had meant to show off his own strength, not insult him. 

“You know that’s not what I meant! Just tell me where you want it,” Bucky grumbled. He let Steve boss him around moving the furniture mostly by himself. Steve tried to help but Bucky kept insisting that he could do it himself. By noon Bucky was a sweaty mess and definitely didn’t feel sexy. All of his muscles hurt, he really needed to start working out again. 

“Thanks for the help Bucky,” Steve said bringing him a glass of water. Bucky would of gotten himself but he was getting his second wind on the couch. Steve sat down next to him so close Bucky was sure he was getting sweat all over him. “I could have done without you acting like a caveman insisting on doing all the work yourself,” Steve said frown on his face. 

“I just didn’t want you to strain yourself, you’re still getting over a cold,” Bucky said even though it was a weak excuse. They both knew that even at his sickest Steve didn’t like to be babied so when he was healthy he didn’t want anything remotely related to mothering. Bucky probably should have remembered that sooner. 

“If me living with you is going to turn you into a third mother for me I think I would be better off living with Thor. My mom and your mom coddling me is more than enough,” Steve said grimacing. 

“It won’t,” Bucky said firmly because honestly he had already perfected the art of taking care of Steve without Steve knowing it. No, he was worried that living with Steve was going to make him act like a hot mess all the time. All he had to was get Steve to realize Bucky was dateable and that would solve the problem. 

 

Being a college student Bucky didn't feel guilty about not caring about nutrition. He was a full time student, worked and had an internship. There was only so much time in the day and Bucky had to budget his carefully it was more efficient net to not spend an hour cooking a real and just pop something in the microwave. Health wise it probably wasn’t a good choice but there was something to be said about being young. He could worry about health we he was real adult. 

Steve was a little more careful about what he ate, well he was careful when he remembered to eat. He had too many food allergies and general health problems not to cook his own meals. He was actually a really good cook and could even make vegan, gluten, and sugar free cookies taste good. The only problem was Steve forgot to eat more often than not. He would get so wrapped in an art project or planning a protest that he just didn’t have enough space in his brain to think about eating. He was already so naturally skinny, Bucky was afraid he would actually starve down to nothing. 

Considering the current political climate Steve was spending a lot of time running around trying to plan protests, coordinate phone campaigns, and just trying to get people to care. That was all on top of work and school. Bucky was pretty sure Steve hadn’t eaten more than a handful of chips and a Clif bar in the last three days. 

Bucky had been watching a lot of Food Network shows recently and was ready to show off how his cooking for Steve. People on cooking shows were always talking about how romantic it was to cook for your partner. Cooking steaks didn’t seem very hard and it would probably hold Steve over when he forgot to eat. Now that they were living together he and Steve tended to do most of their shopping together because honestly grocery shopping was boring but doing it with your best friend was a lot less boring. It was nice to have someone there to talk you out of buying the unhealthy option and getting the more healthy one but then they ended up buying 20 cans of Easy Cheese because they had a coupon. 

He made a special trip without Steve so Bucky could surprise Steve. He just needed to make sure it didn’t come across as babying. That was the quickest way to make Steve refuse something was to make him think it was coddling. 

Back at the apartment he put on some music and got started. Steve was in his room with the door closed, probably working on a project so it was basically the same as being alone. It wasn’t that Bucky was a bad cook, he just didn’t get a lot of practice. In theory he knew how to cook, he just had never really tried that hard before. So now he was kind of dancing along to Ke$ha and cooking his steaks. No one really blame him for getting distracted, when Tik Tok came on you were required to belt it out, it was practically a law. 

Turns out he had gotten a little over excited with the oil because next thing he knew the stove was on fire. 

“Fuck!” Bucky yelled scrambling to grab the dingy little fire extinguisher his mother had given him when he moved in. Steve came rushing out his room. Right as Bucky managed to put out the fire, the fire alarm went off. “Fuck,” Bucky moaned. 

Without thinking he grabbed the pan to move it off of the stove. It only took about a second for him to realize his mistake and drop the pan with a scream of pain. Steve had a cool damp towel on his hand in an instant and lead him out of the apartment to the tune of fire alarms and angry neighbors. 

There was already a fire truck outside of the complex that Steve made a beeline for so Bucy could get real first aid. Luckily the burn wasn’t too bad but it was going to be a bitch for awhile. There was no way he was going to be writing anything legibly for awhile. 

The embarrassing part was having to explain what happened to the fire department. He was sure this was just a normal call for them and at least no one was hurt, but his pride was a little wounded. He had wanted to show Steve how well he could take care of him, not try to burn him alive. Steve had the decency to wait until the whole ordeal was over to start laughing at him at least. 

“Maybe next time you want steaks, ask for a little help?” Steve said when they were back in there apartment which still smelled a little like smoke. 

“Fuck off,” Bucky grumbled flopping onto the couch accidently hitting his bad hand making him curse again. 

“What’s with the sudden interest in cooking anyway? Finally tired of cups of ramen,” Steve asked. There was no way Bucky was admitting that he really couldn’t care less about what he ate so long as he ate, and he had only been cooking to try and subtle hit on Steve. Getting rejected by Steve would just be the icing on the cake of the terrible day he was having. 

“Bobby Flay inspired me,” Bucky mumbled not able to think of a good excuse; he blamed the throbbing painful burn on his hand for clogging up his brain. Steve snorted.

“I guess it's up to mean to make us dinner tonight since I’m the only one not to attempt to burn down the building,” Steve said with a laugh, patting Bucky on the back before heading into the kitchen. 

Bucky groaned, burying his face into the couch. He was definitely going to get an earful from Natasha about this. She was never going to let him live this down. But maybe how pitiful he was would crack her stone heart and actual give him some useful advice, because fuck he needed a new plan to woo Steve. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky takes Steve to the prom

Bucky’s apartment wasn't exactly close to campus. It had been cheaper to buy an apartment a little bit away from the university. New York had an excellent public transportation system. It would be a shame not to use it. Normally on the commute Bucky would just put in his headphones and listen to an audio book. He had always liked reading growing up but had fallen out of love with reading when he started college. He just didn't have time anymore to read anything for pleasure so audio books on the subway was the best he could do for now. 

With Steve joining him, the commute to and from school became a hundred times more enjoyable. Bucky did enjoy having time to just lose himself in his thoughts and not really have to talk to anyone. Steve had always been the exception to that. 

Bucky actually finished his last class two hours before Steve. Time wise it would be more efficient to just go home without Steve, but be bad never left Steve behind in his life. Steve bad rolled his eyes and said that this didn't really count but Bucky thought it did. 

So every Thursday he ended up on the second floor of the student union on one of those lumpy couches. It wasn't the best place to get anything done but it was great for people watching. Bucky had already watched an awkward break up, a guy drop and then eat a piece of pizza from the floor, and a girl painstakingly put Washington tape on every page of her textbook. Just ordinary people doing ordinary things.

He was fully invested in watching one girl struggle to find her notes in what appeared to be a black hole of a backpack. She had already pulled out a hair dryer and a kitchen knife so Bucky knew she was a cool girl. He was distracted by Steve dropping onto the couch so close he practically fell into Bucky’s lap. He had a couple of Pizza Hut boxes in hand, one of which he passed over to Bucky. 

“Ceramics is fucking exhausting. Why does it need to be 4 hours?” Steve complained. 

“Why are you even taking ceramics? You want to be an illustrator,” Bucky asked. 

“Because I thought it would be fun to try other mediums but it's not,” Steve whined. Bucky rolled his eyes and started eating his pizza. They ate in silence, Bucky started to zoom e out, blankly looking at the student activities board with out reading of the poorly designed flyers. 

“Hey look they're doing a Last Chance Prom,” Bucky said pointing out a bright flyer. 

“I thought being in college meant there were no stupid dances,” Steve said the distaste evident in his voice. Steve’s bitterness about high school was nothing new to Bucky. 

It was true Bucky hadn't enjoyed high school as much as people assumed he did. He might have been a popular jock, but 70% of his time and energy was spent keeping Steve from getting himself killed or expelled. Another 20% was spent trying to not totally ruin his friendship with Steve because of his giant crush. So that didn't leave him much time to bask in the glory of how well he met adults expectations of what a successful high school experience should be. 

Steve didn't enjoy high school but that was probably do to the fact that he spent most of his time being shoved into lockers and starting fights. Bucky had always found it ironic that so many people had picked on Steve for being a nerd, assuming he a teacher’s pet based off how he looked when in reality Steve was a little shit who didn't know when to keep his mouth shut and ended up in detention more often than not and by just by association Bucky ended up there too. 

**“** I'm pretty sure being in college is just like being in high school except now we don't have our parents around to tell us no,” Bucky said. 

“We never got a chance to go to prom in high school, it might be fun to go now,” Bucky said idly. 

“That’s because we had better things to do than waste our time a a high school dance” Steve laughed. 

“I think the fact that you got us banned from going to school dances was a bigger factor than you not going than you not wanting to,” Bucky countered.  

Teen Bucky had been crushed when the principal had come down with that verdict. Bucky had always thrived in the atmosphere. Steve only ever went because Bucky had dragged him there. So he had just skilled at Bucky and commented that they had gotten off easy. Bucky had nodded his head in agreement even it was clear they were not on the same page on this one.

“True,” Steve said fondly because he was a little shit and was probably proud of the fact he started a fight at their freshman year homecoming dance that ended with seven broken noses, 5 smashed tables, and a whole lot more ruined dresses. The topic changed, but Bucky’s thoughts lingered on the fact that Steve hadn’t outright said no, which left a lot of of wiggle room for Bucky.

Bucky found himself thinking about the last chance prom constantly. The flyers were everywhere so it was hard to forget about it. He would be minding his own business, zoning out in class only to find himself staring right at the flyer.  

Bucky had always pictured going to prom with Steve. He didn't think it was weird how much he thought about  it since pretty much every TV show and movie about high school made prom seem like a huge right of passage. In his dreams s Steve would be his date but the more practical side of his brain knew he was a coward. They would have ended up going as friends. Steve would have made a fuss about how Bucky didn't have to go with him just because he couldn't find a date and Bucky would pretend he couldn't find a date either as if people didn't ask him out all the time. Being banned from attending school dances had really put a hold on that fantasy.

So it didn't really surprise Bucky to start fantasizing about prom again. It was inconvenient as hell but not out of character. 

Bucky regretted taking Russian as his foreign language. He had always hated Russian Literature so he wasn’t sure why he had thought the language would be any better. Steve had been smart and taken French. At least Natasha was willing to tutor him more often than not. Bucky was pretty sure she just wanted to make fun of him, but for the sake of his GPA Bucky put up with it. 

“I'm going to ask Steve to go to prom with me,” Bucky said out of nowhere. He had gone over to Natasha’s apartment to practice his speech for class the next day, but of course all he could think about was Steve and prom. 

“Little late with that one,” Natasha said blandly not looking up from the hard copy of his speech she was editing. 

“I meant the last chance prom, don’t be obtuse,” Bucky said rolling his eyes. If kind of wished a different friend had figured out his secret crush on Steve because Natasha was the least helpful at this.

“And that’s a good idea why?” Natasha asked.

“Because that’s what you do when you like someone. You take them to prom,” Bucky said confidently. Natasha looked at him one eyebrow raised. 

“Because taking Steve to an event you know he’s going to hate is the best way to win him over. Not just you know telling him,” She countered. Bucky rolled his eyes because ugh not this again.

“Steve has  changed a lot since high school, I think he’ll have fun,” Bucky said.

“If you honestly think that you are even dumber than Steve is oblivious,” Natasha said dubiously. Before Bucky could respond Natasha handed back his essay and started to explain everything he had done wrong which going by the amount of red ink on the page it was a lot. 

Bucky spent the next week googling cute promposals. Most of them were unrealistic or too cheesy, but he didn’t want to just ask Steve to prom. He knew he couldn't do anything public because that would embarrass Steve and part of him was worried about being rejected. He ended up going with a pun because those were a classic. 

It took Bucky an obnoxious amount of time to put out all the red solo cups. He was glad Tony was a borderline alcoholic who loved to throw parties because there was no way he would have been able to afford this many solo cups. 

He stood in the center of the room surrounded by solo cups that covered every available surface of the living room and kitchen. He had his poster ready for when Steve got home. 

“Hey, Bucky” Steve said opening the door of the apartment. “I am so ready for the semester to-what the hell Bucky!” Steve said stopping abruptly staring in surprise at the apartment. 

“Don't make me go SOLO, go to prom with me?” Bucky asked with a wide grin, gesturing with his poster with the pun printed on it. 

“Are we going to break into a high school because I'm pretty sure that would just be sad and creepy,” Steve asked sounding confused. Bucky deflated a little bit. Although Steve hadn’t actually said no, so apparently he was down with crashing a high school prom if Bucky asked him to. That was good to know. 

“I kind of meant the last chance prom,” Bucky said. Steve stared at him blankly because apparently Bucky was being personally targeted by the marketing for the dance since it seemed like he was the only one that knew it was even going on. “I showed you the poster for it,” Bucky added. 

“Yeah, I think I remember that,” Steve said even though it was obvious he had no recollection of ever hearing about. Steve was no longer allowed to complain about Bucky not listening to him since it was clear the problem was mutual. They stared at each other in silence. Bucky awkwardly shifted still holding his poster. The longer the silence stretched the more awkward it got. Bucky could feel his heart beating in his chest waiting for Steve to say anything. 

“So do you want to go with me?” Bucky asked finally, unable to stand the silence any longer. 

“I guess,” Steve said dubiously. “If you really want to. But just so you know, I am not helping you clean all this up,” Steve said eyeing the hundreds of solo cups surrounding Bucky. 

With that he moved to go into his room, knokingthe cups every which way. With Steve gone Bucky was left alone in a room full of cups. Well that didn’t go exactly like Bucky had plan. He had been hoping for more enthusiasm on Steve’s part, but he could work with what he got. It wasn’t until Bucky was cleaning up all the cups that he realized he probably should have just made them into a cute heart instead of covering every surface. That was the last time he was letting Tony give him advice. 

The day of the dance Bucky was a mixture of excitement and anxiety. He loved going out dancing so he was totally in his element on that end. He even went out dancing with Steve all the time, but now he was  _ taking  _ Steve dancing it felt a whole hell of a lot different. Steve didn’t seem to share his nerves, spending most of the day on the couch in sweatpants watching netflix on his laptop. 

Bucky had insisted that they go out for dinner before the dance because even though it wasn’t a real prom, they deserved to have a nice dinner every once in awhile. So they both got dressed up in their suits and right as they were about to head out for dinner. The door of their apartment opened, Natasha and Tony coming in. 

“You didn’t think you could go without picture did you?” Tony asked with a smirk waving his phone around. 

Steve groaned like he was dying. Steve hated getting his picture taken. He had always been self conscious about his body and hated seeing the proof it. Bucky on the hand loved having his picture taken and loved it even more when he could get one of him and Steve together. 

“Stop whining and just pose,” Natasha said pulling out her own phone. 

“Are you guys coming?” Steve asked as he moved to stand by Bucky. 

“I wouldn’t be caught dead there,” Tony said before Natasha elbowed him. Bucky glared at him. 

They ended up having a mini photo shoot in their living room. Steve was a reluctant participant at first, but got into as Natasha called out poses. They both laughed took all the classic prom pictures. Bucky had no doubt that the photos would end up on facebook. He would probably be getting a call from his mother the next day scolding him for not inviting her to come take pictures too. 

“That’s enough guys, we’re going to be late for dinner,” Bucky eventually said herding everyone out of the apartment. 

“Have fun you crazy kids. Make sure to get him home by midnight and no funny business,” Tony said in a mocking voice. Bucky had to resist the urge to punch him. 

Dinner was nice. They had a table in a connor so they could people watch while they ate. It felt so much like a date, Bucky thought he had died and gone to heaven. This is what he wanted. To be able to take Steve out and show him off. To have Steve sitting across the table from him, smiling and laughing. Bucky hoped Steve was enjoying it as much as he was. 

They walked to campus from the restaurant. They walked close to each other, it would be so easy for Bucky to just slip his hand into Steve’s but he didn’t. He was too embarrassed of his sweaty hand too. There was a small crowd of people waiting in line to get in. 

The ballroom of the student center was decked out with dollar store decorations because apparent the student association didn't think they deserved big buck decorations. Bucky kind of thought the descriptions gave the dance authenticity. They had a DJ and that was what was important. 

Steve had never been a particularly good dancer, he couldn’t even claim to make up for it with enthusiasm. He had always been too awkward in his own body which made for a miserable experience for his partner. Bucky had tried time and time again to teach Steve to dance, but practice certainly did not make perfect for Steve. Actually got worse the longer Steve tried to dance. 

So they ended up sitting at one of the table on the edge of the room looking into the dance floor. It wasn’t exactly what Bucky had in mind but he was there with Steve and that’s all that mattered. 

“You can go dance. You don’t need to stay with me all night,” Steve said over the music eventually. 

“What?” Bucky asked honestly confused. 

“I know you want to go dance. I’ll be fine by myself,” Steve said already pulling out his phone. Bucky felt his mood sour. Did Steve seriously think Bucky would invite him just to ditch him? To be fair that was exactly what normally happened when Bucky went out dancing with Steve. But this was different. 

“Why don’t you come dance with me?” Bucky pleaded trying to make those puppy eyes that let him get away with anything. Steve looked at Bucky like he was crazy, which was fair since they both knew Steve had never really enjoyed dancing. Having two left feet did have that effect. “Just one and then I won’t bug you about it for the rest of the night,” Bucky bargained. Steve looked like he was seriously debating it. On the one hand he would have to dance but on the other he wouldn’t have to put up with Bucky bugging him all night, which Bucky personally thought Steve was getting the better end of the deal.

“Alright. Just one,” Steve said standing up. Bucky stood up with a grin. He grabbed Steve’s hand and pulled them into the crowded dance floor. 

It was a faster song and honestly Steve kind of just hopped up and down instead of actually dancing, but he shook his hips every so often so Bucky was inclined to give him a solid C+ for effort. It was actually really fun. Bucky had his hands on Steve’s hips trying to guide a little bit more into the rhythm. But when the song ended Steve didn’t immediately make a run for it so that was a good sign. 

They ended up getting a solid two more songs before it all went to shit. 

Steve was getting pretty into his ‘dancing’ and ended up forgetting how crowded it was. Before Bucky could stop him, Steve fell backward into a huge guy, knocking him into his date. 

“Watch it!” the guy snarled at Steve. Bucky saw Steve’s body stiffen with tension. Bucky’s excitement fell just as fast as the smile fell off Steve’s face. 

“You don’t need to be an asshole about it! It was an accident,” Bucky snarled at the guy because it wasn’t fair that this guy was going to ruin their night over something so stupid. 

“Come on Bucky’s let just move,” Steve said taking Bucky’s hand and dragging him over to the refreshments. Steve dragging Bucky away from a fight; that was a first. 

Bucky took to stuffing little cookies into his mouth sourly. He was going to have a hell of a time getting Steve back out on the dance floor now. Steve was pouring himself a drink looking a little razzled. Bucky couldn’t help but admire the way Steve looked in his suit. Steve had stopped growing in high school so it was the same suit his mother had bought for him back then. Because Steve was so small his mother had to tailor the suit to fit him and god did it do wonders for Steve’s ass. Bucky felt a little bad about thanking Ms. Roger’s handiwork by ogling her son’s ass. 

Drinks and snacks in hand they moved to stand on the edge of the room. Steve unfortunately was as clumsy off the dance floor as he was on it. Tripping over literally nothing, Steve’s punch went flying spilling over a girl wearing an expensive looking dress. Even in the flashing lights Buck could see Steve’s face go red with embarrassment. 

“I’m so sorry!” Steve said moving to help dab at the girl’s dress with a napkin. The girl was too busy trying to clean her dress to respond. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” the girl’s date said moving between Steve and the girl. Seeing where this was going Bucky moved in between Steve and the guy just as the guy made a swing for Steve. There were shouts and cries from the surrounding people as Bucky staggered back. 

“What the hell?” Steve yelled taking his own swing at the guy. 

Before the situation could escalate any further Bucky grabbed Steve and made a break for it, fleeing the ballroom hoping no one was following them. They didn’t stop running until they were a fair distance away from the student center and Steve needed a break to catch his breath. When the little shit finally started breathing again he started laughing. 

“Can we have one night out where we don’t end up punching someone?” Bucky almost pleaded as they walked back to their apartment. Steve laughed at him because the little punk probably enjoyed watching him suffer. 

“I really don’t know what you expected. My track record is pretty bad in that department,” Steve said bumping into Bucky in a playful way. Bucky smiled down at his friend, slinging an arm over Steve’s skinny shoulders. 

“Honestly it would be unfair to expect anything less from you,” Bucky said with a defeated smile. Steve grinned at him and even if this wasn’t what he had planned it wasn’t bad at all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to let me know what you think. I love hearing from you and it helps motivate me to write.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky tries to play mind games

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So not only is this overdue but it is shorter than the rest. Sorry about that but don't worry I have a solid outline for the rest of this fic.

“So new plan, I'm going to make Steve jealous so he realizes what he's missing,” Bucky said falling onto Natasha’s couch beer in hand. She didn’t even bother to look up from her laptop, but Bucky still knew she was judging him hardcore. It was all in the body language. 

“Because that has never gone wrong in any romantic comedy ever,” Natasha deadpanned. 

“Neither of us have ever dated anyone,”

“Because you're already in a committed relationship with each other,” Natasha interjected. Bucky rolled his eyes but otherwise ignored her comment. Any truth to it was purely circumstantial, it would never hold up in court. 

“So I think if I started seeing someone, Steve might realize he should be the one dating me,” Bucky said confidently because his plan was brilliant.

It wasn't fully true to say neither of them had EVER dated; both of them had gone on dates; terrible disastrous dates, but dates nevertheless. Bucky had been a little shocked that Steve had been the first of them to go in a date. He was embarrassed to admit that teenage him had been a little bitter about it. He wasn't bitter for long though. 

Steve was awkward at the best of times, but at his worst Steve even made Bucky cringe with embarrassment and he loved the guy. Bucky had sat at home while Steve was out on his date totally not imagining what it would be like to take Steve on a date. Steve had come over to Bucky’s house immediately after the date had ended and just fell onto Bucky’s bed and moan in embarrassment into Bucky’s pillows (not the kind of moans Bucky wanted Steve to be making in his bed but he would take what he could get). Bucky never did get the full details of what had happened but Steve and the girl had never been able to make eye contact again. 

Bucky on the other hand had dated a lot in high school, never anything serious because it was high school but if a girl asked him Bucky would say yes. Natasha had called him easy but it was fun going out with people. It was fun to get dressed up and do something special like go to a swing club or to Coney Island. As he went on dates he found himself picturing them with Steve instead of the people who asked him out. It really wasn’t fair to the other person so Bucky had stopped dating. Steve had been suspicious at first but that was around the time they started college so it was easy for Bucky to just shrug it off and say he was too busy to do something as frivolous as go on dates. 

“I can't wait to tell you I told you so,” Natasha said because she knew there was no use in arguing with Bucky. Bucky stuck his tongue out at her. 

 

Bucky was terrible at texting, better than Steve but the fact that he ever replied qualified him to be better at texting than Steve. Bucky tended to open people's messages and then just elect to ignore them. It wasn't anything malicious he just always told himself he would reply later and then forget. Steve in the other hand didn't even bother reading texts. You could be dying in a ditch and Steve would never know because he wouldn't bother reading your text. Now call Steve and he would always answer but never text. 

Bucky had left his phone in the kitchen where Steve was cooking pasta while Bucky pretended to write an essay on the couch. He had the document open so that was a start, he deserved a forty minute tumblr break. 

“When did you download Tinder?” Steve asked scrunching up his nose. Steve wasn't one to judge people on how they lived their lives as long as it didn't cause harm to anyone else, expect when it came to Bucky. Then it was a free for all of judgemental looks and passive aggressive statements. Bucky thought it was kind of hilarious.

“I want to start dating,” Bucky said waiting for Steve’s reaction. 

“And tinder’s you're best option,” Steve said skeptically. Bucky felt his heart speed up with hope. Maybe this was, maybe he wouldn't even have to put himself through awkward dates. “Not that's anything wrong with people using tinder, I just would have thought you wouldn't need help getting a date,” Steve backtracked going for the backhanded compliment. 

“Yeah well, you gotta start somewhere and I don't have a lot of experience,” Bucky said not able to keep all of the bitterness out of his voice. 

“More experience than me pal. You'll find someone someday and it'll just click,” Steve said patting Bucky on the back. Too bad Bucky had already clicked with Steve. He didn't need a dating pep talk from Steve he needed to be dating Steve. Hopefully once Bucky was off the market Steve would see what he was missing out on. 

 

Dating sucked. Bucky wasn't sure if he was the problem or if everyone else were just terrible because not a single date he had been on could be called anything but torture. He had thought it would be fun going out for drinks with new people getting to hear what they were passionate about and getting to talk about what he was passionate about. Instead what he got was awkward small talk that lead to some unappreciated groping. He really wasn't interested in finding anything long term but a second date would have been nice.

Steve wasn't making it easy either. Every time Bucky mentioned having a date he would just give him a judgmental look. Bucky wasn’t sure if that meant his plan was going well or not. Steve never said anything didn’t at least sound vaguely supportive. Sure he teased Bucky but he always wished Bucky luck in a voice like he really meant it. 

Really though Bucky was getting sick of going on dates with strangers. He had a hard time clicking with any of them, unless you counted sexuallyt hen he might have clicked with a few people. He was tempted to ask one of their friends to fake date him but Steve would see through that too fast. Plus when he had asked Natasha she had elbowed him in the side so hard it left a bruise. 

During the boring part of lectures Bucky ended up creeping on his classmates wondering if it would be worth it to ask any of them out. He might have if they weren’t all freshman. By junior year most people had finished all their general requirements and were on to their core classes, but Bucky was an idiot and didn't read the major progression plan before signing up for classes and was now stuck taking his liberal arts electives. It wasn't too bad, he actually enjoyed most of his electives, but he could live without freshman. 

He was only three years older than the freshman but man did those three years make a difference. It was kind of fun to watch his classmates go from blindly following what clearly were their parent’s opinions to questioning authority to finally starting to form their own opinions. It was annoying as hell in that first stage but it was worth it to see the final result. 

Apparently being the only junior in a class of freshman made him desirable instead of sad and pathetic. He was always a sought after partner probably because he was one of like three people in the class to actually do the reading. He didn’t really understand why people didn’t even attempt to do the reading. What was the point of paying an insane amount of money to go to university and then not actually put in any work to learn anything? 

The one other person who did all the reading was Katie who sat a couple desks away from Bucky. Thank god she did otherwise class discussion would be even more painful than they already were. As it was Bucky and Katie spent them spending each other exasperated looks while their classmates tried to fake their way through discussions. Bucky was packing up when Katie approached him. 

“Do you want to get dinner with me?” She asked. Bucky had never hung out with Katie outside of class but, Steve was going to be staying late with one of the on campus clubs he was a part of s Bucky didn’t have any plans. 

“Sure,” he shrugged and followed Katie out of the classroom. They talked about how annoying their classmates where and how stupid the essay topic was while they walked. 

“I thought we might go off campus,” She said when Bucky moved to 

“Oh for sure. Campus food is the worst,” Bucky agreed following her lead down the pedway. 

They ended up at a little mom and pop’s shop that Bucky hadn’t even known existed. It was a little vintage place with red and white checkered table clothes and 40s era posters on the wall. It was exactly the kind of place Steve would love. He made sure to tell Katie that. 

The food was pretty good and cheap which is what mattered the most. Bucky also really enjoyed hanging out with Katie. She was funny and clearly well educated. Everything she said either had Bucky laughing or thinking. It wasn't until Katie started to run her foot up Bucky’s leg that he got uncomfortable. He shifted in his chair a little bit and she dropped her foot.

“Oh god, is this a date,” Bucky asked totally blindsided. 

“What tipped you off?” Katie said dryly. 

“I didn't…I don't…” Bucky stammered. It was one thing when he went looking for a date but this felt different. The people he hooked up with on Tinder knew going in it was a short term thing but he didn't want to lead Katie on. 

“It's alright I kind of got the memo when you wouldn't shut up about Steve,” Katie said stabbing her salad. 

“What?” Bucky asked his early confused. He had hardly even mentioned Steve so he wasn't sure what Steve had to do with this. 

“Bucky you've mentioned Steve at least twenty times and we've only been here an hour. It's pretty obvious who you actually want to be spending your time with,” she said. Bucky was actually a little shocked because he had no idea he had brought Steve up so much, but to be fair all of his best stories involved Steve. Steve was the one that always got them into shitty situations that made great stories. 

“Well he’s my best friend,” Bucky said defensively. Katie gave him a look. If Bucky didn’t know better he would have thought Natasha had taught her that look. It was the patented Bucky said/did something stupid look. Steve tried to pull off the look but he normally ended up on Bucky’s side so it never lasted. 

But yeah he had it bad if almost strangers were starting to call him out on his bullshit. Steve and him just had a really good bromance, what could he say? 

They ended up parting on good terms, Katie agreeing to go over Bucky’s essay for him which was good because Bucky had written it in about three hours while having only sleep 6 hours in a 48 hour period before hand. It was either a work of genius or totally unintelligible. 

 

Bucky got back to the apartment in a little bit of a daze. He ende dup flopping onto the couch where Steve was sitting watching netflixs. Steve and him had always been very tactile in their friendship so it wasn't weird at all that Bucky buried his head in Steve’s lap.

“You’re back late,” Steve said in a fake neutral voice. 

“A classmate asked me out on a date and I forgot to text you. Sorry,” Bucky said into Steve’s thighs. Steve’s hand came up to start playing with Bucky’s hair. Steve playing  with his hair was one of the things that made him want to grow it out, just to have an excuse to have Steve braid his hair. 

“Oh. Anyone I know?” Steve asked  politely. 

“Katie from Humananties. It was awkward as hell though so I doubt I’ll get a call,” Bucky joked. “I think I’m going to take a break from dating,” Bucky said because he was just so tired. All he really wanted to do was hang out with Steve like he always did. The last couple weeks he hadn’t seen Steve almost at all because he had been going out almost every other night. It was awful. 

“Don't worry Bucky, you'll find someone someday,” Steve said with an earnest smile. Bucky wanted to bang his head against a wall in frustration. Steve wasn't supposed to be supportive of him dating other people, Steve was supposed to get jealous. 

Maybe Steve needed to be the one dating other people to see how much it sucked. The thought of seeing Steve date anyone was enough to make Bucky’s stomach twist painfully so he dropped that idea. See he could learn from his mistakes. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky actually communicates with Steve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a little more dialogue heavy than other chapters I think. I'm not sure of how happy I am with it.

Bucky had been spending a lot of time at natasha’s apartment lately. The apartment was actually co-owned by her and Clint but everyone knew that it was really Natasha’s apartment, Clint just happened to live there. Bucky had lived with Natasha before striking out on his own. Even though she terrified him to no end, she had become one of his best friends.

Whenever he needed advice he went to her. He would always ask Steve first, but Steve’s normal advice was to literally fight everyone so he wasn’t actually very helpful. Plus Bucky couldn’t really ask Steve for advice on how to get Steve to fall in love with him. That would lead to too many questions. That’s why Bucky found himself bugging Natasha once again.

“I don’t understand why you don’t just tell him,” Natasha asked.

“Because I’m a coward,” Bucky admitted. “I know Steve wouldn’t end our friendship over something like this but part of me is worried that no matter how he reacts it’ll change our friendship.”

“Isn’t that what you want?” Natasha asked furrow in her brow.

“Yes. No. I don’t know,” Bucky said frustered. Because he did want his relationship with Steve to change, it couldn’t stay the same forever and it hadn’t. They had grown with each other and their relationship matured along with it. But at the same time he was worried that it would change too much too fast and would end up souring everything. What if Steve felt obligated to go out with Bucky for the sake of their friendship? Bucky didn’t want to do that to Steve. He also didn’t want Steve to treat him any different.

“I feel like since I don’t really know what I want it isn’t fair to put that on Steve.

“Have you thought about the fact that maybe Steve deserves to know? All of this directly affects him,” Natasha asked giving Bucky a meaningful look. Bucky sighed because he knew she was right, like she always was, but it was still hard to swallow.

“Ok, I’ll tell him,” Bucky said already dreading what was to come.

 

As he walked back to his apartment Bucky wondered how he was supposed to tell Steve how he felt. Bucky had never been good at verbalizing his feelings. Was he supposed to prepare a speech comparing Steve’s eyes to the summer sky or was it alright to just keep it short and sweet? Bucky was way out of his depth for this one.

Luckily they lived in the age of the internet and a quick google search showed Bucky wasn’t the only one struggling with this problem. There were actually a few WikiHow articles on just this very thing. None of them were helpful in the slightest bit but it was nice that they were out there. Bucky also took to browsing the teen magazine section because this was definitely high school level drama bullshit so maybe Seventeen could help him out. (It didn’t but Bucky learned he had been exfoliating his skin incorrectly his whole life)

Maybe all he needed to do was practice saying the words and then it wouldn’t feel so much like he was going to have a panic attack.

“Steve, I'm in love with you,” Bucky said to his reflection after he finished brushing his teeth.

“Steve, I’ve been in love with you since that time when we were 12 and you kick Brad in the balls for pulling Lucy’s pigtail,” Bucky said to his ceiling fan at 1am while Steve was in the other room.

“Steve, I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” Bucky said to his food as he stabbed it with his fork.

He wasn’t getting anyway. All of their furniture knew he was in love with Steve but he had yet to work up to courage to tell Steve himself. Every time he and Steve were hanging out Bucy thought about telling Steve but it never felt like the right moment. He didn’t want to just blurt it out even though it felt like his chest was going to explode every time he thinks about telling Steve.

Maybe he should just leave a note for Steve. Yeah, he could just stick a post it note over the stove like they did to remind check other of things:

“Staying  late for art history project. Make your own food”

“We’re out of ketsup and it’s your turn to buy the groceries”

“Steve, I’m in love with you. Want to date me?”  

Or he could just shoot Steve a quick text. That would be classy. Natasha would kill him if he did that. Well she would kill him if Steve didn’t kill him first. Bucky was a coward but even he knew that this was something that needed to be a face to face conversation. Steve deserved that at the least.

Bucky wasn’t sure what he was waiting for exactly. He could have easily told Steve he loved him while they were out grocery shopping together. Or when they were sitting in a coffee shop pretending to be productive. He could ask Steve out while they cooked together working in tandem. It would be so easy to just tell Steve everything on one of the nights were they never went to bed even though they had to be up early because they just couldn’t stop talking to each other.

There were so many opportunities to come clean and tell Steev everything but Bucky’s tongue always turned to cotton whenever he opened his mouth to tell Steve. The worst it got the more he tried to avoid Steve. He felt guilty about his cowardness every time he saw Steve which lead to him making excuses not to hang around the apartment more than necessary. It was wrong and a short term solution but it was so much easier than the alternative.

He knew Steve was noticing him acting weird, but he had yet to call Bucky out on it. Whenever Bucky would shrug Steve’s request to hang out off, Bucky could see the hurt look in Steve’s eye. Steve had to worried about him, but Bucky just couldn’t handle it right now. It was going to get better though.

“What’s going on Bucky,” Steve asked while they were binge watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine. They had finally gotten a tv. They didn’t buy it because tv’s were hella expensive, but Bucky had been walking around on bulk trash pickup day and had seen a perfectly good tv on the curb. It looked like some wires in the back had been ut, but Bucky had been able to replace them. Now they could watch watch stuff on a tv instead of a laptop like animals. Steve had been so excited when Bucky first brought the tv hope, they had marathoned all of the Lord of the Rings movies.

The fact that they no longer had to huddle together to see a tiny screen, didn’t stop them from sharing space while they watched tv.

They had started on either end of the couch, Steve with his legs tucked under himself and Bucky spread out one arm propping himself up in the arm of the couch. Bucky had absently started poking Steve with his toes. The blonde would swat his foot away and tuck himself further into a ball. When Bucky wouldn’t relent Steve retaliated by shoving up into Bucky’s space, draping himself over Bucky who had immediately started tickling Steve. It wasn’t until Steve was gasping for air half way to an asthma attack that Bucky stopped. He pulled Steve into his side so he was tucked into Bucky’s chest. Steve settled in and they actually started paying attention to what was on.  

“They lost Captain Holt’s dog,” Bucky said intently misunderstanding Steve.

“Not the show Buck. You’ve been acting weird lately,” Steve said, turning in Bucky’s arm so he was looking at Bucky. This close Bucky could count Steve’s impossibly long eyelashes. He could feel Steve’s breath on his face.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Bucky said playing dumb.

“Don’t pull that bullshit on me. You don’t think I would notice you being all spacey and distant lately. You seem really stressed out. I’m worried about you Buck,” Steve said earnestly.

Bucky stared at Steve, who looked so honest to god worried. He hadn’t even realized how much all of this was affecting Steve. It made him feel so goddamn selfish. Steve was the most important person in his life. He saw and talked to Steve more than his own family. His inability to own up to his feelings was starting to affect Steve and he wouldn’t allow that.

“I love you,” Bucky said, it coming out much easier than he expected. He bit his lip watching Steve as Steve studied him back. Bucky wasn’t sure what Steve was looking for but hopefully he found it.

“I love you too pal,” Steve said with a sappy smile. The word ‘pal’ rang over and over again in Bucky’s head. Steve might have well just said ‘no homo.’ Bucky felt himself go cold. He wanted to be anywhere but there at the moment. “You’re my best friend Bucky. I love you,” Steve said. “You can tell me anything.”

This was so much worse than Bucky had imagined. He was pretty sure Steve wasn’t intentionally misunderstanding him, but still what kind of heteronormative nonsense was this?  What did he have to do to make Steve realize that he meant love in about as a romantic sense as he could? Have sex with him, or was that something bros did now a days.

Bucky could help but feel bitter. Here he was ready to pour his heart and soul out to Steve and the guy just totally blew him off. Maybe should just quit while he was ahead, if this could even be called that. Steve said he loved him, and wasn’t that what he had been hoping for all along?

Honestly the answer was no. Bucky was selfish enough to admit he wanted Steve to return his feels. Or even just acknowledge them. He could live with it if Steve didn’t feel the same way about him, but being shot down like this hurt more than Bucky thought it would. He could stand to be there right now. Abruptly he sat up dislodging Steve, sending him to the floor with a ‘harumph.’

“I forgot I had...a thing,” Bucky said almost robotically. He really wasn’t in the right headspace to me making believable excuse and Steve always knew when he was lying anyway. Which really made Bucky wonder why he even bothered making up excuses in the first place. Steve looked up at him with confusion and a little hurt. Bucky was too out of it to do anything other than run out of his apartment.

He made it all the way to Natasha's before get realized he forgot to bring anything with him, like his phone or wallet. At least he could get the spare key from Natasha. He really hoped Clint and Nat weren't having sex or anything gross like that because he really needed to talk to someone right now.

“‘Just talk to Steve’ you said. ‘Everything will be so much better if you just tell Steve you’re in love with him’ you said.” Bucky said mockingly as he stomped into Natasha’s apartment as soon as she opened her door. He flopped onto her couch. He seemed to be doing that alot lately and normally Steve was the cause. Natasha followed Bucky and perched on her lounge chair.

“What happened? Did Steve not take it well?” Natasha asked, concern in her voice.

“No he told me he loved me,” Bucky said.

“So what’s the problem?” Natasha asked brows furrowed in confusion.

“I’m pretty sure he thought I meant in the platonic sense because he made it abundantly clear that the love was real in our bromance,” Bucky moaned. Natasha had the audacity to laugh at him, like straight up belly laughter. Bucky lifted  his face from Natasha's decorative throw pillows to glare at her. She was the reason he was even acting on his feelings, she didn’t get to laugh at the result.

“Alright I’ll let you have this one. I may have underestimated the sheer oblviousness of Steve,” Natasha said in an amused voice. Bucky groaned burying his face further into her couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve is an idiot and I love it. Don't worry guys there is one more chapter to get things sorted out. Let me know what you guys think!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, this is the first chaptered fic that I've ever finished. Thank you so much for the kudos and comments it had really helped me out with motivation.

Bucky was giving up. Well giving up sounded a little too harsh, he was just going to take a break on wooing Steve. He had done literally everything he could think of to get Steve to fall for him or even just recognize his feels, but Steve remained oblivious. There wasn't much more he could do than straight up confessing. His heart was hurting and he just needed a break right now, so yeah he was taking a pause on pursuing Steve. 

Bucky ended up falling into his old routine easily. He deleted tinder from his phone, because even though he wasn’t actively pursuing Steve anymore he still didn’t want to be with anyone else. He also stopped thinking about ways to prove to Steve he could be worthy of Steve’s love. He didn't actively deny his feelings though. Now that Bucky had tried to act on them, he didn’t feel like he could go completely back into denial. It didn’t change the way he acted around Steve or how they hung out, but Bucky felt like he had to be honest with himself about what he was feeling because if he wasn’t honest with himself who would be?

Every other week Steve and Bucky went over to the local community center to volunteer. Steve ran free art classes for kids to come and learn a little bit about art. Most kids were only there because their parents made them, but there were a few kids who came habitually because they loved art and actually wanted to learn. Those were the kids who hung off of Steve’s every word and glared at the kids who spent the whole class on their phones. 

Bucky couldn’t really help teach since he was shit at art even compared to children. But he helped Steve set up and corral the class when they got a little out of control which was a lot.  

Steve tried really hard to be good with kids, God knew the guy liked kids well enough but whenever Steve was left alone with kids something bad was bound to happen. It was always hit or miss on if kids liked Steve. The meaner kids made fun of Steve’s appearance or teased him for being clumsy. Steve always laughed it off saying kids had no filter, but Bucky knew it hurt. Bucky couldn't really punch a kid to defend Steve’s honor like he would if another adult was the one insulting Steve though. When kids did warm up to Steve that was almost worst. Steve had got them banned from the last community center by leading a toddler uprising against the poor conditions of the nap time room. Too be fair the nap time room was probably a health hazardous and did need to be cleaned up. 

Bucky was kind of indifferent to kids.. Being an only child with very few friends, the idea of siblings probably appealed to Steve. Unlike Steve he had siblings and knew better. Besides Bucky was more than happy to share his family with Steve. He didn't actively dislike kids, but he also wasn't thrilled to spend extended period of times with them. By the end of their bi-weekly youth arts class Bucky normally was about at the end of his patience. But he kept coming back because Steve loved it. 

After volunteering Bucky and Steve always went out to lunch. It was their day to try out new restaurants. Steve set the criteria that where ever they tried had to be local, offer fair trade, source animal products ethically, and not set off one of his many allergies. Bucky just required that where ever they tried sell some sort of alcohol. 

It was Bucky’s turn to pick so they ended up in this hole in the wall place where every worker looked like they walked off the pages of an Urban Outfitters catalog. The place was a hipster paradise. Steve had take a single step inside before turning to glare at Bucky. Bucky personally felt that the amount to which Steve protested against being a hipster piece of shit just cemented his hipster status even more.  

After lunch they ended up at Coney Island. They hadn’t planned on going but they had just started roaming and ended up there. Coney Island was kind of their spot in Bucky’s mind. They had so many childhood memories there. Steve still hadn’t forgiven him for the Cyclone incident. 

“Which one do you want?” Bucky said knowing Steve had been eyeing the stuffed animal prizes hanging off the carnival games as they walked around. 

Steve was a sucker for stuffed animals. Bucky remembered when Steve was 12 he decided stuff animals were for babies, and he was almost a teenager, way too mature for baby things. So he had packed up all of his rather extensive stuffed animal collection and hauled them over to the local Boys and Girls club to donate. Bucky had helped because there had been too many boxes for Steve to carry by himself. By the time they were handing over the boxes Bucky could see Steve’s resolve breaking, but he had put on a strong face and handed over all of his childhood stuffed animals. 

Bucky had never been a huge fan of stuffed animals but he had one teddy bear that his grandmother had sewed for him by hand. Bucky really hadn't cared for the beat until his mother gave the bear a little blue pea coat and a black domino mask. Steve called it Bucky bear. Knowing that Steve was missing his stuffed animals, Bucky brought Bucky Bear to his next sleepover at Steve’s apartment and conveniently forgot him there. Steve had tried to return the bear but Bucky refused to take it back. Steve still had Bucky Bear sitting on his bedside table. 

“Those games are always rigged,” Steve deflected.

“Just tell me which one you want,” Bucky said because God damn it if Steve wanted a stuffed carnival prize, Bucky was going to win him a stupid stuffed carnival prize. 

“I want the giant gorilla,” Steve said pointing at a pink fluffy monstrosity. 

Bucky confidently walked over to the booth paying his five dollars to get thirty seconds to knock down as many targets as possible with the little gun. Having a veteran Dad who’s idea of father-son bonding time was going to a shooting range had made Bucky a pretty good shot. His dad had always been disappointed that Bucky hadn't gotten into shooting competition, but since Becca had that covered he wasn't too disappointed. Bucky was a little too proud when the bored teen running the booth handed him the gorilla. 

“My hero,” Steve said sarcastically, but his enthusiastic smothering of the gorilla betrayed him. The thing was almost as tall as Steve so the blonde looked ridiculous trying to lug the thing around, but he looked so happy. Bucky felt his heart seize a little bit. This was totally something couples did. They went to amusement parks and won each other prizes. This was what he wanted with Steve. 

The more he thought about the more he realized a lot of what he and Steve did bordered on couples stuff. There was that time they had bought a couples massage on groupon but they had argued it was cheaper than buying two separate messages when Natasha had laughed at them. It wasn’t until now that Bucky realized the weird thing had been thm wanting to get massaged together. 

On the subway home the gorilla had to have its own seat the things was so big. Steve sat next to it, hugging it tightly as if someone was going to steal it from him. Bucky kind of zoned out on the ride. The train’s noise in addition to all of the chatter around them made it difficult to hold a conversation with Steve considering his bad ear and all that. 

Bucky caught Steve staring at him a little sad look in his face, but just as Steve noticed he had been caught staring he blushed me buried his face in the gorilla. Bucky was a little bewildered but honestly most of the things Steve did had that effect on him. 

“That thing better be going in your room. Pink fur doesn't really go with the aesthetic of the living room,” Bucky said as they entered their apartment. 

“And what aesthetic is that? Tornado hits thrift shop,” Steve said in an unimpressed voice. Bucky didn't think it was fair for Steve to sound so judgemental when the mess in their living room was just as much Steve’s as his.

Of course Steve plopped the gorilla down in the living room as soon as they got home and had given Bucky sad puppy eyes when he tried to move the damn thing. While Bucky was pretty much immune to Steve’s puppy eyes at this point, he knew a losing battle when he saw one. 

“It's a talking piece, Bucky. Think of all the conversation starters,” Steve argued. 

“Yeah, “what the hell is that’ starts a great conversation.” Bucky said sarcastically already knowing that pink gorilla would live in the living until Steve was good and ready to move it. 

They ended up watching a bad 80’s movie while drinking beer. Steve had his legs tangled up in Bucky’s, kicking him every time Bucky made a stupid comment. If Bucky didn’t know Steve favorite part of any movie was Bucky’s commentary, Bucky would be offended by all the kicking. All in all it was a pretty normal night for Steve and Bucky.

“I can’t do this anymore Bucky,” Steve said in a strained voice interrupting the comfortable, content feeling. 

“It’s only 9. Are you feeling alright?” Bucky asked worried that Steve might have caught something from one of the snot nosed kids at the community center. 

“That’s not what I meant,” Steve said carefully not looking at Bucky. “I can’t do this anymore,” Steve said gesturing between them. 

Bucky felt his stomach drop. Oh god Steve knew about his feels and not he didn’t want to be friends anymore. This was literally the worst thing that could have probably happened. He had always assumed Steve would be apart of his life, but now his unrequired feelings were pushing the best thing in his life away from him. Bucky wanted to fight, wanted to make Steve believe he didn’t need Steve to return his feelings, Bucky just need him in his life. Bucky wasn’t completely sure he knew how to function without Steve. 

“It’s not fair to you to have me projecting my feelings onto you when you don’t feel the same way about me. I just can’t help it Buck,” Steve said earnestly drawing his legs back into himself, wrapping himself up in a little ball as if to defend himself. Bucky frowned at that. It didn’t take long knowing Steve to realize the guy tended to channel most of his feelings into aggression. He literally would fight anyone over anything for any reason. Most people assumed it was just because Steve was a stubborn asshole, but Bucky knew better. He knew Steve hide his insecurity behind unbridled passion and righteous fury. Steve never fought for himself because he didn’t think he was worth it. Bucky had spent a lot of his life trying to prove to Steve he was worth it. 

It took a moment to realize what Steve was saying didn’t make sense. What did Steve mean he was projecting his feelings on Bucky? If anything Bucky was the on projecting his love on Steve. 

“What are you talking about Steve?” Bucky said very tired. Honestly at this point he was over the miscommunication. He and Steve did everything together and talked about every yet they were so clearly not on the same page. 

“I’m in love with you Bucky. Have been for awhile. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I just didn’t want to ruin the best thing going for me,” Steve said tuck himself even further into a ball. All Bucky could do is 

“Why the fuck would telling me you’re in fucking love with me ruin anything?” Bucky said way more aggressively  than he planned, but fuck he was angry. Steve flinched, which made Bucky feel a little bad. 

“Because you aren’t in love with me. I understand why, I’m not really much of a catch,” Steve said jutting his chin out defiantly. Bucky started to laugh, it was all he could do otherwise he would start crying and he wasn’t that much of a sap. Steve was straight up glaring at him now and that was so much more like Steve then the scared puppy look. “I’m glad you find my emotional vulnerability funny. I guess I’ll go stay with Sam for the night,” Steve said huffing as he stood up. 

Panicking because he was fucking this up, but unable to get a hold of himself Bucky just grabbed Steve’s wrist tugging him so he couldn’t walk away. Apparently Steve hadn’t been expecting any resistance because he just sort of came tumbling down on top of Bucky. So now Bucky had the equivalent of an angry chihuahua in his lap and he was still laughing. Steve started to struggle in Bucky’s arms but Bucky didn’t relent. All Steve’s trashing did was send them both off the couch onto the pink gorilla which was surprisingly comfortable. 

“No Steve, don’t be angry. I’m laughing because this is literally the stupidest thing that has happened to us,” Bucky said finally getting a hold of himself. He winced slightly when he realized how his words sounded. “Here you were worried about me rejecting you for being in love with me when for the last couple months I’ve been trying to get you to realize I’m in love with you,” Bucky said. Bucky watched as Steve’s eyes went from worried to confused to widening with surprise then back to confusion.

“Is that why you’ve been acting so weird lately? I thought it was because you found out about my feelings and were uncomfortable,” Steve admitted. Bucky hated that he had made Steve doubt him even for second, but really Bucky didn’t really think he could have been any clearer about his feeling. He might as well have rented  billboard in Times Square and written “I”M IN LOVE WITH THAT LITTLE PUNK STEVIE ROGERS.” So yeah, Bucky didn’t really think this one was on him even though to be fair he had been acting a little weird because of the whole wooing thing. 

“I straight up told you I loved you. I don’t think I could have been more obvious,” Bucky said because he was not letting Steve off the hook. For his part, Seve did look a little embarrassed. 

“I thought you meant in like a bro “no homo” way,” Steve said. Bucky laughed leaning down to firmly plant a kiss on Steve’s lips. 

“Is that ‘yes homo’ enough for you?” Bucky asked enjoying the way Steve’s entire body seemed to be turning red. He was going to have a lot of fun with that later on. “I want you to know now that I am never going to let you live how fucking oblivious you are down because we could have been doing this ages ago,” Bucky said before kissing Steve again. And yeah this might not have gone down the way Bucky imagined it, but knowing what Steve tasted like and knowing he was loved made it so much better than anything Bucky could have come up with. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that's a wrap. Let me know what you think. If you like my writing come hang out with me on tumblr (youngavengersfeels.tumblr.com) or subscribe to me here because I tend to post about 1 fic/chapter a week.

**Author's Note:**

> Please talk to me


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